The Squirrel and the Ice Machine: A True Story

Yes, you read that title correctly. 

Originally written for my girlfriend's entertainment at the time (who is now my incredible wife), I was reminded of this true story the other day in a conversation with her and my sister-in-law. 

Working in a hotel, there are many stories I could tell about my time as a front desk agent. However, this one was the most memorable.

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I checked a very nice couple in around 3:00 PM. They were there for a banquet in one of our conference rooms, and they asked whether or not the room was ready to begin setting up, as they were some of the individuals in charge. Saying that I would check on it to make sure, I then told them that they could go on up to their room and I'd call them afterward. Upon quickly running down to the conference room and seeing that all the tables were set up nearly in rows, I returned to the lobby, passing the desk and making my way down the hall, thinking I could catch them before they entered the elevators.

I managed to catch up to them, but not exactly in the way that I was expecting...

Two wheeled suitcases were standing upright in the corridor, hats and wallets strewed about, with the owners nowhere to be found. I then heard a few loud gasps, ones of both fear and fascination. Unsure of what was about to transpire, I followed the source of the gasps and found the aforementioned couple, phones out and chuckling to themselves.

"Are you guys okay?" I asked as I approached them.

Turning around, they had slight, reluctant smirks on their faces, as if they weren't sure whether to laugh or not.

"Well..." The lady stepped forward, her eyes wide with excitement. "When we came through the side entrance, a squirrel got in, and it ran behind the ice machine."

"We got a video of it running around the hallway," the man chimed in, although I barely heard him, as I had begun to think about how it had come to this.

It had been a fairly steady day, but stress-free nonetheless. Everything had run quite smoothly, and the building's peaceful atmosphere had been barely disturbed up until this moment. Heck, even our General Manager was at a hair appointment, unaware of what had just happened within the walls of her hotel. I began picturing what kind of chaos this rodent could bring to the otherwise serene lobby.

"Okay…" I said slowly, thanking them for letting me know and assuring them I would take care of it as I closed the door to the ice room and speed-walked towards the nearest broom, swifter, tree branch... SOMETHING to prod behind the machine and drive this squirrel out.

I managed to scrape together an old duster handle and made my way toward the ice machine. The wooden door creaked as I slowly opened the door wider and wider, inch by inch. From behind the ice machine came a quiet scraping noise, and for a moment, all was calm…

...until I jammed the duster handle behind the machine. Immediately, the scraping became erratic and panicked, as the squirrel was trying to come to terms with where he was and what was poking him. Not wanting to let loose the fury of a hungry rodent, I jumped back and closed the door quickly, making my way back to the front desk. I quickly fashioned an "Out of Order" sign and taped it over the door, doing my best to formulate a plan that would both get the squirrel out as painlessly as possible while alerting as few people as I could.

After briefly calling our General Manager and our maintenance man (we'11 call him Mr. Kenny) to inform them of the situation (the Sales reps and I had a hard time holding in our laughter over the ridiculousness of the situation), I began calling local exterminators and pest control companies. Business after business was either closed, too far away, or was not licensed to take care of such creatures.

It was only about 45 minutes before my shift ended that Mr. Kenny suddenly walked through the door, a large sheet in one hand and a long, metal claw in the other. After grabbing his set of keys, he made his way down the hall, and if he were to look behind him, he would see little old me poking my head around to catch a glimpse of the aftermath.

Several minutes went by with no movement or sound from the squirrel, and Mr. Kenny called me over to confirm that there was actually a squirrel in that room. As far as I was aware, I hadn't hallucinated the whole thing, so I confirmed that there was, indeed a living fluffy rat somewhere in that tiny cube of a room.

After many more minutes, I heard Mr. Kenny shout my name rather loudly. Hanging up the phone from a reservations call, I poked my head around the corner.

"Quick!" Mr. Kenny signaled toward the end of the first-floor hallway.

"Run around to the side door and open it up. It's trying to get out!"

The front desk keys jingled shrilly in my ears as I raced outside, my cells immediately repelling the humidity as my feet pounded on the sidewalk. Making my way to the door and already sweating, I put the key fob up to the door.

BANG!

My eyes darted to the source of the sound, and there, having just ran smack into the glass door, was the bane of our existence at that moment: a very confident, yet very confused, squirrel.

I opened the door, and it ran back down the hallway, but seeing Mr. Kenny with the claw outstretched caused it to turn tail and run, this time straight out the now-open door, into the trees, and into safety.

Mr. Kenny and I both breathed a sigh of relief.

Crises averted, and mission accomplished.

THE END

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-JDH