"Please Sir, I Want Some More"

How often do we approach God in a state of want? I would argue too often. We are selfish beings by nature; ever since the Fall and the entrance of sin into the narrative of mankind, we have consistently fallen short of the glory of God. This is not new information, but as faulty beings, we can so easily forget and overlook how constantly we miss the mark, especially in the context of prayer. Far too frequently, we pray for the sole purpose of wanting personal gain, an easier life, or simply more blessings. We cry out, “God, I ask for...” or “God, I want...” or “God, can I please have...”, and we begin to sound like a child, one who does not understand the hierarchy of the world and that the world does not revolve around them. Those of you reading this are not children anymore, but we too often regress to this childish mindset. Not child-LIKE, but child-ISH, as in expecting everything to be about us. We find ourselves in prayer asking for what we want instead of recalibrating our priorities with one end goal: what He has for us.

I am all too guilty of this. This serpent has reared its ugly head at a very specific desire of mine, and it’s something that I’ve been praying for incessantly for the last few years. There have been too many sleepless nights where the only thing on my mind is: “God, You’ve put this desire on my heart, so where is the answer to this prayer?” I get caught up in the (seeming) lack of an answer, and so I sit, waiting in grief and frustration. It’s a position not unlike the one that Kuzco finds himself in from The Emperor’s New Groove, sitting in a puddle of his own confusion while the only answers he receives are drops, both rain and tear. I ask God for an answer, and yet there seems to be none. I pray earnestly for revelations and visions, but I go to bed empty-handed. I beg Him to show me signs that I’m headed in the right direction and that the desires that have been eating at my heart will one day be fulfilled, but the horizon shows only the setting sun, the same star that the hopeless have stared at for eons, wishing upon it that something...anything...will change.

I’ve been recently blessed with the opportunity to travel thirteen hours from my college campus to Sarasota, Florida, with a group of my closest and dearest friends for our Spring Break. Here, in this humid and beautiful state, we have had adventures that will forever live in our minds and hearts as unforgettable. Although only a few short days have passed, from getting stung by jellyfish to sleeping in a car after getting locked out of the house to dipping our toes into the bluest waters you’ve ever seen to hammocking on a secluded shore to sneaking onto the rooftop of a hotel overlooking the gorgeous town below from stories high, the highlight of this break has already been solidified: the most unique Bible study I have encountered in years. 

What started as our host’s friends getting together as believers turned into a three-hour worship night, Bible study, prayer battle, and communion with fellow brothers and sisters in Christ all rolled into one. The Holy Spirit moved powerfully through the sharing of testimony and the recognition of giftings, and I firmly believe that not one person was left unaffected. During the worship time, the host father and his daughters sang a song that I was unfamiliar with, and while I did not know the lyrics or who wrote it, I found myself in awe of the presence of the Spirit throughout its duration. All I had been praying for melted away, and all I could focus on or think about was the name of Jesus. I no longer cared for my prayers being answered or my desires left unfulfilled; the love of the Creator and all that He had done surpassed all that troubled my heart at that moment.

Unfortunately, like the sinful man I am, I found myself not twenty-four hours later in the same emotional slump once more. While this prayer has been lingering in my mind for a long time, it has been pounding in my brain unceasingly since break had started, and my temperature was rising as of earlier tonight. I had no words to express the storm in my head as I drove our group to where we would sleep for the night, my thoughts barely on the road in front of me. My sleeping bag had no occupant as I sat in the living room of the house, unable to think anything other than: “God, will you give me a sign? Why have you placed this longing in me if it is to be left to die?” The lights in the house were darkened, and I sat in silence, staring at the wall with the only thoughts looping through my head were those.

After several long minutes, I found myself opening Spotify and searching a worship playlist. I found the first one that I saw and hit play without batting an eye. I didn’t recognize the song that was selected randomly from the list, but the first notes of the piano carried with them a sense of peace that could only emanate from the Lord. I closed my eyes and listened to the words wash over me.

“I'm not here for blessings

Jesus, You don't owe me anything

More than anything that You can do

I just want You

I'm sorry when I've just gone through the motions

I'm sorry when I just sang another song

Take me back to where we started

I open up my heart to You

I'm sorry when I've come with my agenda

I'm sorry when I forgot that You're enough

Take me back to where we started

I open up my heart to You

I'm caught up in Your presence

I just want to sit here at Your feet

I'm caught up in this holy moment

I never want to leave”

It was the same song from the night before.

It was a firm reminder that my desires are nothing compared to the majesty of God.

And it was there, in a small house in Sarasota, at 1:45 in the morning, with the world at a standstill around me, that for the first time in a long, long time, I cried. 

Since when has our faith become about us? When has it EVER been about us and what WE want and what WE expect out of life? We can come to God with a shopping list of requests, demands, and ultimatums, but at the end of the day,  if our hearts are not aligned with His and what we want is not based out of the love for Christ, then we become slaves to our own desires without even knowing it. It becomes the focal point of our relationship with God, and it puts Him in a box, limiting His Power in our lives. Follow Him with your whole heart and use what He has given you for His glory in times of both praise and suffering, and what you long for in your heart will be given to you. He has not given you these desires to leave you aching for the rest of your life; the countless nights you’ve spent in prayer are not in vain. He has a plan and a purpose for everything He has made you to be and everything He has placed in you, including the desires of your heart. He has not forgotten what keeps you up at night; He knows you’re innermost thoughts, your wants, and your longings. If our hearts revolve around furthering His love in our lives and in the lives of those around us (and giving Him ALL the glory in the process), we will look back on our lives years from now and realize that what we longed for was given. 

My dad has an analogy that I absolutely love: life is like a painting, and so often we are nose-to-nose with it, wondering what it could possibly be because we can’t make out what the painting even is. However, when we put our entire trust in God and allow Him to take control of our lives, desires and all, we are able to step back farther and farther back from the painting, until we can see what the painting is.

God has not forgotten what He has placed on your heart. Chase after Him with everything you have, and the pieces will slowly fall into place, and the painting of your life will finally become clear.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” -Proverbs 3:5-6

“And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us.” -1 John 5:14 

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” -Hebrews 11:1

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-JDH

P.S.: Here's the link to the song -> Nothing Else - Cody Carnes